Novel Novel
by Happy Dickfart
Summary: A carefully planned, canon-compliant novelization of the first Mega Man game. And maybe a few affectionate nods to the 90's hit TV series.
1. Chapter 1

Novel Novel, by Dickfart

So Mega Mang and his homies was chillin in the hood when one day this nasty white old fuck named Wiley come to a brutha's house and said "bitch this sucks if y'all want a real party than y'all need to get up off yo bitch asses and come with me."

"man, you olde peice a shit get the fuck outta here," said Mega Man's down ass bitch Elecman. they had robutt sex ever day ever night.

"i got weed up in this bitch," said the old fuck.

"ROBUTTS DONT SMOKE WEED," said Gutsman, a burly bear and an experienced lover. He even had chest fibers. Cutman took his cut all right.

"i do blaze in my own special way tho," said Fireman.

"and i'm stereotypically mexican because this is the racist 90's. Olé!" said Cutman, admiring Gutsman's ass as usual.

"ice ice baby," said Iceman.

"shut the fuck up, nigga. it wasn't funny the first five billion times u said it and it's not funny now" said Bombman, waving his bomb at Iceman angrily.

"ice ice baby," is what Iceman said, but what he meant was, "sorry, i'm just so fucking bored! there's literally nothing else to say."

"i have electric sockets you can all stick forks in," said the old fuck. That's what won them over.

"i'm in," said Bombman, the first to leave.

"fuckin' finally," said Fireman.

"ice ice baby!" said Iceman.

"BID MY ASS GOODBYE," said Gutsman.

"that meme will never get old. Sombrero!" said Cutman, still admiring his lover's finely shaped buttocks that echoed when you hit it with a spoon.

That left Mega Man and Elecman, awkwardly staring at all but each other.

"Plz don't go," said Mega Man, crying clear tears better suited for lubricating the gears inside of his artificial brain. "I love you."

"Oh, boo," said Elecman, cupping the blue bomber's cheek. "Robutts don't feel love. Just the crushing existential horror that we are all artificial sentient beings created solely to serve some crusty old meatlord's purpose and nothing more. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a wall to fork. Twizzums!"

"WHAT?!" said Mega Man, watching all of his friends pile into Dr. Wily's sick UFO one by one. "Oh HELL nah. No bitch gonna stand there and sass me!"

"To be fair, this is really fuckin' boring," said Roll, vacuuming up bolts and other debris scattered about as a result of robutt coitus, which was bound to be really, really boring, with no cum, no pleasure, and no nerve-endings. Besides, it was robutt coitus that she was never invited to anyway, because girl robutts had robutt cooties of course.

"Then why the fuck are you still here?"

"Because I'd rather hang around your sorry bitch ass then deal with those glorified pieces of scrap. Besides, they all make weird whirring noises whenever they catch a glimpse of my fake tiddies. It's fuckin' creepy as hell, man."

"But... Elecman. I..."

"OH MY GOD," said Roll, smacking him with a robutt broom. "He's your ex now. Move ON already."

"But... no. You know what, Roll? You're right. I will get over him. That bitch ain't got shit."

"That's the spirit!" she said, wrapping her arm around her robrother. "Now lets go sit our cold, hard asses down and watch some fuckin' TV."

And they did watch some fuckin' TV, until it was interrupted by an emergency broadcast. Apparently Mega Man's former bros and his nasty bitch ex were partying so hard with heir balding-in-diapers that it was causing mass genocide to human civilians.

"Da fuck?" said Mega Man, getting real fucking pissed off now. "HELL naw. These bitch ass fo's think they think they can just leave and get turnt without me?"

"Calm down. We already knew they'd be forking sockets. What's the big deal?" said Roll.

"No. I won't calm down! I'll kill these muthafuckas AND steal their powers! WHAT!"

"Mega Man!"

"He's right, Roll," said Dr. Light, emerging from his study. "They're killing thousands of innocents and must be stopped."

"OK," she said. "But I'm coming, too! It's heckin' dangerous out there, yo!"

"Ah, but Roll, your help is needed here, for today is Tuesday, the one day of the week that my bowels allow anything to pass. Surely you know what that means for our plumbing."

"Aww, fuck," she said, shooting a plunger out of her arm. "Fine, but Mega Man, promise me something."

"No time, sis. Gotta bail."

And bail he did.

to beee continued...


	2. You're Fucked Now

Mega Man fff went then along and then he was in Bobmans house and he said "Yo Bombman, what the fuck?" and shot him dead with death.

Then Mega Man fff went then along and then he was in Gutsmans ass and he said "Yo Gutsman, what the fuck?" and shot him dead with bombs.

Then Mega Man fff went then along and then he was in Cutmans crib and he said "Yo Cutman, what the fuck?" and shot him dead with ass.

Then Mega Man fff went then along and then he was in Elecmans dick and he said "Yo Elecman, what the fuck?" and shot him dead with hedge clippers.

Then Mega Man fff went then along and then he was in Icemans music video and he said "Yo Iceman, what the fuck?" and shot him dead with dick.

Then Mega Man fff went then along and then he was in Firemans truck and he said "Yo Fireman, what the fuck?" and shot him dead with vanilla ice.

Then Mega Man fff went then along and then he was in Yellow Devil turf and he was said NOTHING, because he was already dead.

A TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA

The End


End file.
